I don’t miss your stalking, lurking and yet hovering around, watching and judging each of my activity. This is the first instance that the light has won a battle against you. I should be happy that the dark, shapeless blob that followed me everywhere has taken a leave for perhaps only a brief period. Isn't this what we all aspire for- the freedom from darkness, be it temporarily? And yet, for some unknown reason, your defeat has rendered me incapable of celebrating this victory that I have looked forward to all my life.
I have never had the courage to interact with you, even though I knew you were vigilantly following me. You were deeply connected to the deepest, darkest gorges that reside in my mind, that would violently rise without a warning. Yet, you watched, and immensely enjoyed the disasters that stemmed out of my mind slowly destroying my spirit. All the while, I pondered on the reason for your existence, you convinced me that there was no reason that was worth my thought. Was it ever true? Now that I understand the truth, unbeknownst to me, you ruled my life. I ran around clueless, trying to seek out the reason of madness that resided in me, with intention of uprooting it. Well, following your greater plan, I never even came close to the root. I immensely suffered in the process, but I never came close to what I thought would solve all my problems once I sought it out of the mythical caves.
I thank you for the lesson to pursue things that matter with determination and resilience. I finally have the victory that I desperately sought after believing that you were my source of misery. Nevertheless, I sit here, dejected at my incapability of finding the roots of my incapability. They have exponentially multiplied in my saga of uprooting them as I chased the red dot around while seeking for the the hand that held never even crossed my mind. Your presence perhaps served a purpose- probably to help me not lose it at one of these desperate chases while believing I was so close to whatever was chasing me out of my mind. You are finally gone, and I sit here attempting to capture whatever flows out of my mind- an unhealthy mix of confusion, desperation, and dejection.